The Burning Desire

     I fell in love with her at the very first sight. It felt like heaven when I saw her .I spent all my time thinking about her. I was losing control. I have no words to express the depth of my true love for her.

She was sexy, slim and stylish. She had a perfect figure. She was very unique. Her beauty was unmatchable. I always dreamt of being with her. Whenever I saw her in the college she remained silent. Someday she would come in black; someday she would come in white. I knew everything about her. 

But one day, she told me indirectly on my face-“Don’t follow me. I can’t be yours. You can’t afford me. Please forget me”.  It started raining and thundering. I wept and my tears went wasted in the holy rain. It was the darkest day of my life. I went into depression. The bitter words gave me sleepless nights. Friends told me “forget her. She is not your cup of coffee”. I thought “what a bunch of useless friends I had”.

She would be in the college library, college canteen, college lift, college bus, anywhere and everywhere. I tried to ignore her but her magnetic personality was such that I couldn’t resist myself from looking at her. I checked her from the corner of my eye.

There was a serious fight between the RED Devil and the  WHITE Angel in me.I had a perception of them popping up on my shoulders and staring right at me. The Angel said-“Be a gentle man, ignore her, concentrate on your studies”. The Devil said-“It’s not the time to study, follow her, she is yours”. It started troubling me. I cried. “stop itttttttttttttt” i said with a loud cry, like a 1970’s Bollywood hero. The imaginary persons vanished in air with a puff.

My colorful life turned to a mixture of sepia and grey scale. I fell on my knees. My knees were hurting even though I had faked the fall. Seeing the muddy white pants I stood up immediately, as I had to wash clothes at home and  detergents these days have become too costly. I thought “what a loser I was-I can’t even buy a 100gm detergent”.

Days passed and depression took over me. I cut off human contacts, stopped studying, forgot smiling and begged for more pain in life.I chose the wrong path to get away from the painful truth. I went to bars and started drinking bottles of black drink “coca cola” like a 1970’s depressed Bollywood hero who drank bottles of alcohol. As I was drinking, the waiter laughed at me.

I became weak and weary. I lost 5 kgs in 5 days. I thought some deadly disease had struck me. I went to a doctor. After check up, the doctor looked at my X-ray report with raised eyebrows. I was about to ask him whether I am going to die? How many days do I have, but I kept quiet? I asked him “any problem doctor”. Doctor replied sadly “LIVER”. Most probably I had become deaf too. I said “Ok… ‘Leave her’ that’s a best medicine”. As I was about to leave I pulled a 100 buck bill and kept it on his table. Doctor said “sorry, its 200”.I showed him my empty wallet with an innocent smile.

The doctor, pointing his fingers at me, started giving a lecture. I had to bare him for the next 10 minutes. He said “you are the useless youth. You can spend money on smoking, drinking, accessories, but not on these things. Do you think this is some government hospital? Get out ’’. I was afraid to make an eye contact with him. I left his clinic silently.

I badly needed a hair cut and a shave. If I was a Salman khan fan I would have wore a t-shirt with the “being ape” slogan. My friends said “Stay away from us. You stink”. I thought “what a bunch of useless friends I had”.

I went for the hair cut on my friend’s advice. The barber who had known me from the past 10 years did not recognize me. I wished him “Hi” and there was no response. He seemed to be busy with his work. As I sat, I looked at the mirror and felt pity on the person in the mirror. Finally, after the hair cut, when I was combing my hair,my barber friend recognized me. We hugged each other for the next 30 Seconds. I desperately needed a hug and therefore I hugged him tightly. People around us felt uncomfortable and thought we were homosexuals. Even he felt a little uncomfortable and we parted. He tapped my shoulders and said “look at you. You have changed”.”YES... I am a bit pissed off” I said putting more weight on the word “YES”.

I preferred a life of solitude.I hardly spoke to my parents.I was a stranger at home.Everything changed in my life. I walked bare footed, I wore rugged clothes, visited boring places, ate tasteless foods, forgot my face book password,  watched black and white movies, In fact went to the extent of watching emotional daily soaps on star plus .

I walked through the streets singing “I walk the lonely road, lonely road...”. My friends said “Please don’t sing. You have a bad voice”. I thought “what a bunch of useless friends I had”.

I started asking questions to myself-“What am I? A psycho!! Am I a loser? Am I born under wrong stars? Am I irresponsible? Am I poor? Is she from a royal family”? I was searching for an answer from within. Throughout my course I was able to answer the most difficult questions on this earth. But these were unanswerable.

Suddenly a bright star appeared in front of me. I covered my eyes. The bright star spoke in Amitabh Bachans voice “look my boy, good things happen to those ......pause....., good things happen to those who work hard, good things happen to those who are honest, good things happen to those who submit assignments on time. Today is the last date to submit your assignment, if you don’t submit you will lose your 5 marks”

The alarm started ringing. My brother switched on the bright 25 watts bulb in my room. I heard a soothing voice “wake up son, its 6.30, get ready for the college, you will miss the bus”

When I woke up, I saw there were 2 unread messages in my Nokia 2690 cell phone. It was my friend’s message asking whether I completed the assignment or not. I couldn’t reply as I was left with zero balance. My brother noticed it and said “throw your mobile”.

I replied “Ok... switch off the Amitabh bachan lights and get lost”. ”are you fine??” he asked, sounding very confused.

I brushed my teeth, had a hot water bath, had my breakfast, did my hair, sprayed the axe-effect all over my clothes and hurried to college.

------THE END------
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What are you searching for……??????

Oh…

Sorry…

 I forgot to tell you who she was? Click here

Yes..,, she is from the apple family.

She is going to be mine soon. I am working hard now, for my only ambition is to have her. She is very special.

                             BY SACHIN KUMAR